Letting Go: Redefining The Mother-Daughter Relationship
It is the eve of the night before my first baby girl Neriah becomes an adult. How did this day come so soon? This natural rite of passage I imagined gently greeting me hit me like a bold question mark at the end of a sentence. Despite the lack of emotional preparation, the day unfolds, and with it a boatload of emotions. Senior year, 18th birthday, and college acceptance letters all at once, like life’s most consequential final exam with no negotiable prep time.
It seems like only yesterday her perfectly soft little legs wrapped around my waist as we explored foreign lands like the Belizean Jungle, Morocco and South America during my stint as the host of Wild On. Little did the rest of the world know that the quintessential travel guide/party girl had a new born baby in tow. Neriah and I were always a package deal, whether we were traveling the globe or resting in our family bed. It was Mommy and Neriah versus the world! Every page of her baby passport was stamped by the time she was 2 yrs. old, what an amazing travel partner! For 5 years we never spent a night apart.
I took comfort in understanding my role as a mom, doing the best I could, and learning many hard lessons from my children along the way. But what now? What exactly is expected of a mommy of a super independent, fierce, strong young woman with fragile characteristics hiding behind the facade of a blooming You-Tuber?
Emotions set off in my mind like bright colored fireworks ranging from sadness to enthusiasm. With softness and grace I decide to learn to walk the fine line of my new appointed role, reminding myself to leave her enough space, but not too much in hopes to settle in to what is just right. Tracy McMillan reminded me that children will fire us as their boss, and if we play our cards right they shall re-hire us as their consultant. I never imagined parenting to be quite like that. To be brutally honest, we grow them, give birth to them, love them unconditionally, keep them safe, teach them about faith and then we’re suppose to just let them go….WTF?!
As all of these thoughts and emotions play out like a circus in my mind, my phone rings….As life would have it it’s my soon to be adult baby. “Hey Babe, what’s up?” I ask and we start dishing about her B-day and the upcoming Spring Break vacay, her last hoorah before college. The moments that follow floored me and touched me to the core of my struggling soul. To my surprise, I am offered the most precious gift I could have ever imagined. She says, “Mama would you like to go away together for my birthday, just you and me?” I’m not going to lie, I thought she was joking. I mean, an 18 year old wanting to hang out with mom??? And let me share, that she is a VERY social, overly scheduled teenager ,who RARELY has time for dear-old-mama. “YES, I would love to do that!” Pick anywhere in the world you want to go and I will take you for your 18th birthday.” Now I know that may seem extravagant, but if you only knew what the last few years have looked like in our relationship you may understand what a mother’s love is capable of dishing out and how a sprinkle of guilt and longing, will make you cross the river.
This felt like balm on my heart, the answer my soul secretly longed to hear from her. And so we began planning our very special and much needed mother-daughter trip. Off we go in just a week for a Spring Break getaway that will forever mark the beginning of her adulthood and a newfound friendship that I have been waiting 18 years for. I say that with the utmost respect for the relationship between mother and child, which I have worked very hard to define as parental and not two friends finding their way through life.
This is my first opportunity to celebrate my “baby” as her most loyal and loving friend with mutual respect.
I understood that my main role is to continue to encourage her exploration, alleviate her sadness and continue to remind her how wonderful she is when she forgets. I am so grateful to get this special time together at such a pivotal and emotional time for both of us. The reality is, most of us parents struggle with the transition of our children leaving home and so do our children, they are just not aware. Actually, they’re not even fully awake.
As I begin to accept our new parts in each other lives, and step down as “BOSS”, I will deepen our relationship as mother and daughter and all its many cherished gifts.
For those of you struggling to let go, I feel you. But instead of a beating aching heart, try to open it to exciting to new possibilities. Time slows for no one. Change is inevitable and now, we get to witness the growth and power of 18 years of unconditional love.
I am so excited to watch my daughter soar. My first baby will leave home soon, but she will forever be my baby.
Start your 7-Day Free Trial
Brooke is alwavs here to support your fitness journey!
Related Articles
Parenting
When It Comes to Your Health, Every Day Should Be Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is here again! It is a day of celebration. A day of relaxation. A day to put ourselves first. It’s the one day of the year that us Moms get to do whatever we want. But when it comes to health and wellness, I believe every day should…
5 Ways to Stay Sane While Parenting During Quarantine
As a mom to four kiddos, I totally get it. Parenting during quarantine sucks. With the holidays fast approaching, there seems to be even more on my plate. These 5 tips on parenting with self-love in the age of self-isolation have helped me, and I hope they help you…
Generation Tech – Balancing Real Life and Social Media
Generation Tech, the manipulation of reality and a love affair with Instagram. From filters and air brushing, to color enhancing and reshaping. Who are we really and what are we trying to say? The average American checks their social media platforms 17 times a day and spends 102 minutes in…
This recipe is by my very good friend, Joanne Mosconi (aka The Chef’s Daughter, @thechefsdaughternyc). Scrumptious and filling, this soup features butternut squash, onions and parsnip. (Serves 4-6) 1 large butternut squash (leave it whole, or halved vertically and seeds removed) 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 medium onion, finely chopped…
This recipe is by my very good friend, Joanne Mosconi (aka The Chef’s Daughter, @thechefsdaughternyc). This soup is the ultimate reset button. When you’re feeling just not like yourself or way off track from your goals, get this Green Detox Soup going and you’ll be revived. (Serves 4-6) 3 tablespoons…
Meatless meals can still be satisfying and this salad is living proof. Liven up your lunches with this satisfying and refreshing salad. It’s also a great side at dinner or for a potluck. Ingredients 1 (15 ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed 1 English cucumber or 3 Persian cucumbers, sliced and halved …
As many of you know from my recent posts on social media, my baby brother Tommy passed away last month. He was only 44. Our family is heartbroken. We are healing, day by day. He was a father, a brother, an uncle, a friend, an artist, a lover of life,…
It seems so easy to break from our fitness routines. Whether it’s an intensive work obligation, a planned family vacation, or even just having the kids home all day during the summer break, self-care is often the first thing we sacrifice in order to accommodate everything else. It happens to…
I say “let it burn” a lot in my classes. And physically, it’s definitely easy to feel that sensation as our bodies work up a sweat. But on a deeper level, I think we also need to turn up the heat on our desires, imagine the strong, sexy body of…
How do you start your mornings? A positive morning routine is key to a productive day and a healthy mindset. It sets the tone for the day and is a reflection of your personal commitments. In our super busy schedules, a mindful morning is a great way to bring it…
Committing to a new fitness goal – or getting back into one – is often the biggest hurdle between where we are and where we want to be. Once we get going, of course, momentum kicks in and motivation increases. But it sure is easy to succumb to self-sabotage before…
It’s mind-blowing to me that we often associate self-love with selfishness. That could not be further from the truth! One online thesaurus I accessed equated it with conceit, narcissism, and vanity. WTF?!? And get this… it suggested “modesty” as the antonym! Who knew self-love was such a contentious topic? I…
I am obviously a huge believer in the importance of health and fitness. But one thing I know for sure is that achieving those goals isn’t just about eating right and exercising our booties off. The real journey begins in our mind. It starts with believing that how we treat…
Let’s talk about the relationship between food and sex! Both can stimulate our senses, satiate physical needs, and involve powerful emotional connections. Often, one can even elicit a desire for the other. So let’s take the passion and spice from the bedroom to the kitchen and show our tummies some…
As we all continue to process the events of the last year… last month… last week… it’s helpful to remember that change is inevitable. This year will be different in many ways, for sure, but hindsight is 20/20. And 2020 taught us a great deal. The importance of self-care.…
As children are getting their school online, even PE has become an online course. Our kids are staring at screens all day, which is known to have detrimental physical, cognitive, and mental effects. It’s harder than ever to get them away from their screens and into the sun. According to the…
Longevity Superfood by Brooke Burke Body is a nutrient-dense, plant-based superfood that can boost energy, improve focus, increase endurance, and speed recovery. It is completely free of dairy, wheat, gluten, and preservatives, which makes it a healthy and natural addition to any daily nutrition plan. Mindful Formula Brooke carefully crafted…
7 Steps To Actually Sticking To Your New Year’s Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions can be a wonderful opportunity to start fresh, take on a new challenge, and embark on an exciting journey toward change. There is a year-long blank slate ahead of us and we get to choose how we are going to fill it all in. One year from…
2023 Attainable Healthy New Year’s Resolutions To Put On Your Vision Board
As the year comes to a close, most of us tend to start thinking about our resolutions for the next year ahead. This is the time of year when diet programs and gym memberships soar. Unfortunately, a lot of people start with high hopes and good intentions but just end…
Weekly, on-demand, and live workouts; special challenges with downloadable fitness guides; supportive online community; opportunities to connect with Brooke and ask questions; more!