Ever notice how the dream-achieving goddesses show up with this irresistible larger than life “je ne sais pas quoi” aura? Do you ever wonder where they learned to command not only everybody else’s attention, but yours as well? Does someone else’s success lead to a bit of frustration when their education and skills don’t compare to yours, but they are killing it in a field that you are most passionate about? I’ve been there and it’s a difficult chair to be sitting in. But more importantly, are you interested in knowing why this scenario happens so often?
Through the research of Claire Shipman and Katty Kay authors of The Confidence Code, success is connected more closely with confidence than competence. The evidence shows that when it comes to getting ahead, confidence is more important than ability.
You’re probably asking yourself well since self-confidence is fundamental to our success, how do we get more of it? Let’s begin with the good news, which is, confidence is a skill all of us can cultivate. The only pre-requisite to joining this club is a willingness to try and view the discomfort of failure as the most important stepping stone to authentic confidence.
An example of a missed opportunity is when women looking for a job never even apply due to their lack of confidence. According to the internal report done by Hewlett Packard, men apply to jobs when meeting only 60% of qualifications. Women on the other hand apply only when they meet 100%. This has absolutely nothing to do with the women’s capabilities but instead Imposture Syndrome (not feeling deserving of getting the job), which resulted in women not trying, hence missing out on acquiring the position.
All of this ties back to what I like to call the perfectionist versus the risk-taker. The risk-taker knows that the only thing she truly risks by taking action is an emotion. She also acknowledges that the cost of inaction will perpetuate the negative story she tells herself of who she is, her character. To reach dream-achieving confidence, we must BE the type of person who does what is necessary to be confident first. Women need to take the actions of a confident person, hence doing whatever they believe could be the next right step, and being ok with failure. I’ll even go as far as to say SEEK FAILURE as the more failures you get, the closer you will be to succeeding. Would you tell your 2yr old niece who’s trying to walk but continuously falls on her cute little butt, “you know… maybe you’re not cut out for this walking thing?” Of course not! You would encourage her to keep trying until she walks!
Tim Ferris bestselling author of The 4-Hour Workweek wrote: If you telescope out ten years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret and define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the most significant risk of all.” The risk-taker understands that the more she takes action and fails, the more she masters her skills, and with mastery comes greater self-confidence! And guess what? The more confident we become, the more action we take and the bigger our accomplishments.
Here are the foolproof steps to build radical self-confidence:
- Willingness to try
- Take Action
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost more than 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed” ~Michael Jordan
May we all wake up each morning with the willingness to try, get in that ring, consistently fail forward to our most confident, playful version of ourselves.
Irene is the creator of the Happiness Within Reach program which coaches professional success driven women to open their hearts to self-love while forming deep and vulnerable relationships with others. She is an ICF, ACC Certified life and business coach who holds certifications from the University of Pennsylvania on Positive Psychology and is trained in the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy. This integrates forty years of scientific research, based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. Irene has helped hundreds of women get reacquainted with their hearts most affirming desires. Her mission is to remind women of their indisputable worthiness and capability of creating the extraordinary soul on fire life that is their birthright.